Thursday, May 06, 2004

Once again, John has made a comment in my guestbook that warrants a public response. It follows:

I seem to remember hearing you once saying you were looking for someone 'who would be a good wife' rather then someone you love.... (frankly if such a thing is true, I'm deeply disturbed by such sentiment)

*waves hand*

But thats not the point of this post. I guess the only thing I can say for you is that you have only yourself to blame (regarding Liesel). The two of you were obviously very much interested in each other, and I think that it's sad that you decided to punish not only yourself but the one you loved (?) simply on the matter of spirituality. I know you will say that that is THE cornerstone of your very existance and you would not be here if it weren't for God, BUT *sighs loudly and shakes head*...

Regardless, on to the next thing I wanted to share. Your recent... clingyness (for severe lack of a better word) has been bothering me lately. I guess part of it is that I've never been big on unsolicited physical intimacy (in most cases). I enjoy it, very much so, but somehow I find it rather rude when a person hangs off one who has given no signals that they want such behavior or wish it to continue. I'm sure this is just me, and not you, but I felt compelled to share. Besides, my discussion with Neko made much sense. You are, after all, only human and can only resist being a boy for so long.

I knew there was more I wanted to say, and I'm not sure I said everything as well as I wanted to, but posting it gets it out there. I really would like to spend some more time with you in the future, as we rarely get to hang out/talk and usually your to busy looking after us when I do see you ;-P

But I think it's important to say that you are indeed one of the finest human beings I know, and that I have never known you to not have your heart in the right place. Peace and love, brother.


My response, paragraph by paragraph:

I failed to make something clear during my earlier discussion on romance. Someone with that kind of compatibility, with all the things that would make a lasting relationship possible... I mean, how could you not fall in love with someone like that? The basis of the relationship should not be strong feelings, but compatibility. Feelings, though, are going to be present.

But nothing. Jesus is the cornerstone of my life, and should be when He's not. I belive that by not going out with Liesel, I've saved us both pain. Certainly, this path hurts, too. But I belive it's honestly better for both of us. Liesel and I are still friends,and I love the relationship we have. I've gone out of my way not to hurt her and myself. There is nothing of punishment in my actions, but love.

I am aware of my clinginess. It's one of the most prominent issues in my life. And I'm making continual efforts to combat it. I have apologized to Carolyn on several occasions. But by no means am I trying to resist being a boy. I'm trying to do it correctly.

I will have more time soon, I think, to spend with people. You're most definitely on my list.

I often have to drag my heart into the right place. I'm just glad I know which general direction to drag it in. Thanks.

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