Saturday, August 22, 2009


I remember telling Ashley. On and around New Year's, I get a sense of what the year to come will be like. Strangely, it's been pretty accurate over the past few years. A handful of minutes into this year, I remember telling Ashley: this year, long-held dreams will come to pass.

Jen and I are getting married in November.

I'm a licensed minister of the Wesleyan Church. Pastor Brian.

Those two things blow my mind every time I think about them. They're unbelievably wonderful, and really scary. They fulfill old longings, and require me to grow. They're part of me becoming who I was always meant to be.

I kinda don't know what to do with myself, sometimes. I'm utterly amazed by what God has entrusted me with. How He's blessed me. Sometimes, I don't get it. I forget how unbearably generous He is. What high hopes He has for us. It's stunning to me.

About a year ago, God started working on me in an area that was always a bit of a problem: my desire for a wife. It got obsessive at times. He wanted me to stop worrying, stop striving, and trust Him. He'd wanted that for years, but about a year ago, he really began to push me to grow. In the end, I did as He asked. I surrendered my longings; I told Him I'd wait for Him to move, and just trust Him.

He moved.

Dreams aren't meant to remain dreams when they're part of God's design. He has plans, and He wants to carry them out. In us. I have plenty of dreams and desires still to entrust to God. This year, He has returned two of my greatest to me, with His approval.

I'm still stunned.